Iono
God knows how long its been since i wrote in my blogg.
But today i thought "what the heck, why not write some" so now i do.
Realy, i dont know what to write about or where to start.
I guess i would say i have alot to write about realy, as many things been happening latly, both good and bad i guess.
So why not start with showing off what iv done today.
I changed fabric on two chairs i have. (From blue to white)
Anyways, also mite aswell show of what i did to my hair the other day, tried a new hairstyle kinda thing.
Was doing it for someone special, but the one i did it for didnt comment it, atleast not that day. So it dont realy matter. Also did it to cheer my self up but failed bigtime.
And well since i cant remember when i wrote last time and at the moment im to lazy to check it, i just have to show pics on my little boy Pontus!
He is now 2 month old.
So anyways. He was born 26/08-10. It was quick, faster then Vincent, and ofc it hurted like mofo!
But im happy he came out fast and healty.
We moved not long after he was born. I got an apartment in Sosdala, a 4bedroom apartment, btut only ganna stay here till about december then we moving in to another apartment im suppose to have instead of this one. This is just tempuary. Anyways, the other one is a 3bedroom apartment but just as big as this one we have now, over 100 square meter.
But there was also this one guy. We been talking for over a year, on and off kinda, he took distance long ago, busy study etc. Anyways, we started to talk more properly, and i fell for him.
Iv been so happy and he was so sweet ya know...
Long story, but i just loved talking on skype with him, al the cute texts i got etc.
He even orderd a ticket to come see me, then he drops a bomb... he told me he is not comming, fear of flying, and thats fine, but the rest, that al the sudden he is not ready for a relationship, he thought i expected to much etc.
What the hell? Iv done nothing, i only showed him my love and al, was so exited and ofc it sounded promising, when he said "if we work out and al is good after our first meeting i will come more next year".
Yea well now, for days, iv been so damn down its unbelivible. Its so empty. So quiet kinda feeling.
No texts, no talk barly, no love. No nothing.
And damn i miss it!
I would wanna tell him to go for it, to come here anyways, to face the fear, couse he can overcome it with love, but i guess he does not feel as much as i do.
But he is sure missing a chanse of a liftime.
But i dont think he care.
I think, there mite be other things he have not yet told me about. Couse i belive its kinda wierd that he al the sudden "oops i found out im not ready yet"..... iono, for me its wierd. I didnt expect to find someone or to fall for someone, but when i did, i didnt mind, and like i said, i was so happy.
And no my happyness does not depend on him only. But when someone does such thing yes al the happyness dissapears for a while.
I guess i just have to get used to the fact he dont love me no more, the silence i feel, the lonlyness i feel and just go back to normal right?
Anyways, i know this much, i dont think he care realy.
Couse if he felt so much for me and say he dont wanna loose me, then why does he do things that pushes me away and soon im gone? Why not try harder then if he realy liked me?
Iono, i can only say what i would have done, and he knows i try alot harder then he have done. But it dont change anything.
So fuck it, im ganna stop writing now as i feel this didnt help either.
Its such bullshit realy, how it al can just slip out of my hands, just like that. Always when im at the happiest... always then.
But today i thought "what the heck, why not write some" so now i do.
Realy, i dont know what to write about or where to start.
I guess i would say i have alot to write about realy, as many things been happening latly, both good and bad i guess.
So why not start with showing off what iv done today.
I changed fabric on two chairs i have. (From blue to white)
Anyways, also mite aswell show of what i did to my hair the other day, tried a new hairstyle kinda thing.
Was doing it for someone special, but the one i did it for didnt comment it, atleast not that day. So it dont realy matter. Also did it to cheer my self up but failed bigtime.
And well since i cant remember when i wrote last time and at the moment im to lazy to check it, i just have to show pics on my little boy Pontus!
He is now 2 month old.
So anyways. He was born 26/08-10. It was quick, faster then Vincent, and ofc it hurted like mofo!
But im happy he came out fast and healty.
We moved not long after he was born. I got an apartment in Sosdala, a 4bedroom apartment, btut only ganna stay here till about december then we moving in to another apartment im suppose to have instead of this one. This is just tempuary. Anyways, the other one is a 3bedroom apartment but just as big as this one we have now, over 100 square meter.
But there was also this one guy. We been talking for over a year, on and off kinda, he took distance long ago, busy study etc. Anyways, we started to talk more properly, and i fell for him.
Iv been so happy and he was so sweet ya know...
Long story, but i just loved talking on skype with him, al the cute texts i got etc.
He even orderd a ticket to come see me, then he drops a bomb... he told me he is not comming, fear of flying, and thats fine, but the rest, that al the sudden he is not ready for a relationship, he thought i expected to much etc.
What the hell? Iv done nothing, i only showed him my love and al, was so exited and ofc it sounded promising, when he said "if we work out and al is good after our first meeting i will come more next year".
Yea well now, for days, iv been so damn down its unbelivible. Its so empty. So quiet kinda feeling.
No texts, no talk barly, no love. No nothing.
And damn i miss it!
I would wanna tell him to go for it, to come here anyways, to face the fear, couse he can overcome it with love, but i guess he does not feel as much as i do.
But he is sure missing a chanse of a liftime.
But i dont think he care.
I think, there mite be other things he have not yet told me about. Couse i belive its kinda wierd that he al the sudden "oops i found out im not ready yet"..... iono, for me its wierd. I didnt expect to find someone or to fall for someone, but when i did, i didnt mind, and like i said, i was so happy.
And no my happyness does not depend on him only. But when someone does such thing yes al the happyness dissapears for a while.
I guess i just have to get used to the fact he dont love me no more, the silence i feel, the lonlyness i feel and just go back to normal right?
Anyways, i know this much, i dont think he care realy.
Couse if he felt so much for me and say he dont wanna loose me, then why does he do things that pushes me away and soon im gone? Why not try harder then if he realy liked me?
Iono, i can only say what i would have done, and he knows i try alot harder then he have done. But it dont change anything.
So fuck it, im ganna stop writing now as i feel this didnt help either.
Its such bullshit realy, how it al can just slip out of my hands, just like that. Always when im at the happiest... always then.
